"New Life"?

"There's a jolt exhilarating from the phone I'm holding. I hear the words of what I'll become, how eager the hands that reach for love." Blind Melon's "New Life".

So, it appears that I have now etched the beginning of a splinter that will become the newest branch on my family tree. My wife has somehow become "with child". Who knew sex could lead to such things? They really should advertise that a little more.

Honestly, after some initial shock, the excitement has begun to settle in. We certainly weren't planning on tracing this particular path at this date, but a gift is a gift regardless of where on the calendar it is given.

A couple days ago we went to her first Obstetrician's visit and got our first peek at the child we will eventually come to know by a name. This is somewhat of a surreal experience. You're really only looking at a dark finger smudge across a camera lens, until you see the heart beating and suddenly you know that it's a life....one leaving the fields we graze prior to here....for here.

Reaching blindly, we somehow plucked a soul from wherever they tread, and now pull it toward us. How odd. How surreal.

There's a lot of thoughts that come from the realization that you are going to be a parent, and perhaps there is no better way to express them than in their question form. I'm not sure I ever expect these to be consciously answered, at least in any form other than actions. Still:

Will I be a good father (broad and clichéd, but blatantly unavoidable)? Would we prefer a boy or a girl (I think I am leaning towards a son, but it's hard to really say)? Can we afford this (No - but, would we ever)? Are we prepared for a child (No, but again, we'll find a way)? Am I mature enough to be responsible for a child when I'm barely responsible for myself (Again, what choice is there at this point - I best be)? Per another line from the Blind Melon song that opened this post ("Should I teach one not to know how, how to live in the world we live in now?"), do we teach our child how to live (and succeed) in the world we live in now (a very tough question)?

When the wave is south bound, do you teach to ride it, rather than be crushed by it, or do you pray for the knowledge to swim against it and not be drowned in the struggle - and for the ability to teach such knowledge? Morally speaking, the answer seems obvious. Realistically, not as much. I only hope I can teach and not hinder the person our child will become.

I think I could make this post vastly more in depth than I am, but for the sake of time I'll keep it short (or somewhat short).

It's still a little hard to firmly grasp...meaning the fact that I will be a father...and I'm sure it may not be until it is actually born that this metamorphosis is complete (from non-parent to parent). Thus, the reality of it may not envelope me until that day, but it is very strange to think that there will be a third member of our family by the time the next Super Bowl rolls around....and yes, I will push the Texans on him/her.

Our family's sports hierarchy: Texans and Mavericks first. Cowboys and Rockets second. Broncos a distant third. No baseball, but Rangers and Astros get minor love (meaning attention is paid only if they reach the World Series). Some Stars love from me, but my wife refuses to care for hockey. As far as I am concerned, NASCAR and other forms of racing do not exist.