"The Wonder in Wonderful"

Just to be certain I am not plagiarizing that title, I am taking it from a Stone Temple Pilots song (as I’m sure they took it from somewhere else). Ok, now that that’s out of the way:

The day has crept closer as tomorrow promises its reign over today. What has tread the pools resting just beyond and below the horizon now leaks into the floor beneath my feet. The child we’ve known of for near eight months has sent out his less than subtle hands to shape the world around me.

From within the womb, he has overseen the construction of a beautiful infant’s room, and supplied our home with tools we’ve (my wife and I) only imagined putting to use. From booger suckers, to diaper rash cream, to some very cool outfits (see PJ onesie below), we’ve become workers on an assembly line that will soon begin to roll.

Has the reality of what will be really tattooed its place on our world? Do we understand the venture we embark upon? Of course not, like all first time parents, we’re relatively clueless. We know this.

Even with my wife’s gift of a root of knowledge, coming from working with infants at a preschool, or day care (I’ve never really understand the difference in this case), we enter this room as so many before us have….clueless and probably a little scared, in a good way.

For example, this past weekend we took upon the task of installing car seats into our cars, of all places. If you’re like me, you never thought this would be a challenging chore, just a moment spent to strap in a device millions have bested before. Clearly a less than confounding assignment, or at least we, I, thought.

First, for those in the know, our cars were both put together in or before 2002, which is apparently a year many cars underwent a convenient design upgrade, in the form of LATCH connections. Put simply, this is a simple anchor system cars now have to attach child Car Seats to, as an added stability to simple seat belt strap in.

Of course, when the first car seat you have ever installed in your life is second hand and does not come with instructions, you’re probably unaware of this fact. Instead, you have two strange looking hook devices hanging from the seat with no apparent place to attach them. Trust me, it doesn’t matter how hard you look, if your car is as mine and was not created with the LATCH system, you won’t find them. You can search every thread of the seat, every page of the car’s owner’s manual and you’ll come to the same conclusion, “Just what in the f#@$ am I supposed to do with these latch things.”

After some frustrating moments, certainly meant to test us (quick question: If you and your wife become short with each other, curse out the seat, curse out the car, and teeter on giving up – do you pass the test? If so, then we did great.), we moved on to the brand new seat we meant to install in my wife’s car, and it was here that God decided he’d put us through enough and blessed us with the presence of instructions – where I found that lovely nugget about 2002 being the year the LATCH system become predominantly available.

You’d be amazed how much comfort can be found in a set of instructions, even crappy ones that seem to be written to someone who shouldn’t need them in the first place. Instruction makers out there, please be aware that if someone is using your instructions it is probably because they need them, not because they want good a good pamphlet to cuddle up to a fire and lose themselves in. I’m just saying.

To put a long story short, or shorter than it could be, the car seats are now installed and my wife understands how to use the straps to secure our child, thanks to her experience with them. I may still require some teaching, for the moment, to me, it appears as a confusing bundle of belts and buckles meant to entangle and ensnare any creature stupid enough to get close, but at least we enter that battle with one of us having fought it before.

Anyway, just thought I’d put this to paper (or the digital equivalent) to give myself a reminder of the naivety I once cradled so lovingly, for soon it will be crushed one tiny step at a time.

"New Life"?

"There's a jolt exhilarating from the phone I'm holding. I hear the words of what I'll become, how eager the hands that reach for love." Blind Melon's "New Life".

So, it appears that I have now etched the beginning of a splinter that will become the newest branch on my family tree. My wife has somehow become "with child". Who knew sex could lead to such things? They really should advertise that a little more.

Honestly, after some initial shock, the excitement has begun to settle in. We certainly weren't planning on tracing this particular path at this date, but a gift is a gift regardless of where on the calendar it is given.

A couple days ago we went to her first Obstetrician's visit and got our first peek at the child we will eventually come to know by a name. This is somewhat of a surreal experience. You're really only looking at a dark finger smudge across a camera lens, until you see the heart beating and suddenly you know that it's a life....one leaving the fields we graze prior to here....for here.

Reaching blindly, we somehow plucked a soul from wherever they tread, and now pull it toward us. How odd. How surreal.

There's a lot of thoughts that come from the realization that you are going to be a parent, and perhaps there is no better way to express them than in their question form. I'm not sure I ever expect these to be consciously answered, at least in any form other than actions. Still:

Will I be a good father (broad and clichéd, but blatantly unavoidable)? Would we prefer a boy or a girl (I think I am leaning towards a son, but it's hard to really say)? Can we afford this (No - but, would we ever)? Are we prepared for a child (No, but again, we'll find a way)? Am I mature enough to be responsible for a child when I'm barely responsible for myself (Again, what choice is there at this point - I best be)? Per another line from the Blind Melon song that opened this post ("Should I teach one not to know how, how to live in the world we live in now?"), do we teach our child how to live (and succeed) in the world we live in now (a very tough question)?

When the wave is south bound, do you teach to ride it, rather than be crushed by it, or do you pray for the knowledge to swim against it and not be drowned in the struggle - and for the ability to teach such knowledge? Morally speaking, the answer seems obvious. Realistically, not as much. I only hope I can teach and not hinder the person our child will become.

I think I could make this post vastly more in depth than I am, but for the sake of time I'll keep it short (or somewhat short).

It's still a little hard to firmly grasp...meaning the fact that I will be a father...and I'm sure it may not be until it is actually born that this metamorphosis is complete (from non-parent to parent). Thus, the reality of it may not envelope me until that day, but it is very strange to think that there will be a third member of our family by the time the next Super Bowl rolls around....and yes, I will push the Texans on him/her.

Our family's sports hierarchy: Texans and Mavericks first. Cowboys and Rockets second. Broncos a distant third. No baseball, but Rangers and Astros get minor love (meaning attention is paid only if they reach the World Series). Some Stars love from me, but my wife refuses to care for hockey. As far as I am concerned, NASCAR and other forms of racing do not exist.